Well, it’s been a complete shuttle crash for the far right over the last few days ‘remembering the fallen’ and the various y-front strumming patriots of the English Defence League, Combined ex-Forces and National Front Bottoms are all looking a bit peaky!
Little Tommy Robinson and Kousin Kev Karol went off to Switzerland on Megabus (for a pound! Crivvens!) where they staged a relatively ignored rooftop protest at FIFA which ended with them getting ‘massive fines’ but came back with a Toblerone for each and every EDL member! All 170 of them! And the EDL needed the sustenance after spending time in the cells following their Remembrance day fiasco! It is unclear whether Tommy being nicked in Switzerland will mean he will be arrested again for breaching his bail conditions but if this is the case we are told that there is a nice warm cell waiting for him on the nonce wing and that the screws are trying to arrange Nando’s to deliver.
The EDL and the laughably named Combined Ex-Forces (CXF) had a miserable turnout on Friday. As you all probably know by now they gathered up to ‘remember the fallen’ but they couldn’t help themselves and a glass was thrown which annoyed a lot of people so they then plotted up in the Red Lion where plod kettled them in and arrested the whole lot. Immediately the EDL ‘home guard’’ were on the net shouting ‘police brutality’ and whining away about being attacked. But I thought the EDL never surrendered and were really really tough? Oh, I forgot, that’s only when they outnumber people who look like ‘Muslims.’ Far be it for militant antifascists to encourage plod making pre-emptive arrests but it was all very funny anyway and the EDL were yet again totally humiliated. See our friends on EDL News for a Johnny On The Sport Report from the very same bar!
The EDL had been posting on Facebook – which everyone knows the cops never read – making threats about attacking the camp at St. Paul’s and trying to raise the numbers following the pathetic events in Birmingham a couple of weeks back where they were shunted about by plod and coached out of there pronto. They were also begging people to not turn up drunk which is a serious concern: if you have to remind people not to be drunk at 11 in the morning then you have a collective drinking problem! The EDL numbers were down as well because so many of them were annoyed following the Birmingham fiasco when the violence between soccer firms, stewards and cops flared up, eejits were Sieg Heiling and shouting racial abuse, and people were so drunk they could hardly stand by the time they arrived. Ah, that early morning Stella eh? The true sign of a classy outfit! The accusations of apathy, stupidity and drunkenness ended up being replayed for all to see on Facebook which was immensely entertaining and there were many saying the demos had been a total failure and ‘Never Again,’ surrendering in their beastly droves. The other reason why their numbers are down is because so many of them have been nicked and banned from attending demos that they have just walked away as it is clearly not worth the hassle. When Tommy gets nicked it’s demo’s outside the prison, Facebook campaigns and cries of ‘Political Prisoner!’ Anyone else and you’re on your own you penniless scum! Which is also another one of the many reasons why people didn’t turn up as they have had enough of Tommy’s posturing and his failure to achieve anything except meeting celebrities and being bummed in jail. (Probably).
Plymouth & Trousers!
Anyway, not only were the EDL not out in numbers, the CxF weren’t either: they managed to raise a whole 8 people which coincidentally was the same number as the National Front Bottoms gathered in Newcastle the other week. The CxF, in case you don’t know, is led by professional illiterate Michael ‘I fear the comma’ Rafferty who is currently playing monkey to kebab attacker Hayley Wells, well known Plymouth EDL organ grinder. Michael is the Commanding Officer of the CxF and we were wondering if he would care to let us know what regiment he served and what dizzying rank did he achieve. And Michael, being a sixer in scouts don’t count! The CxF gathered for a photo shoot in their funny little hats and stickers on their tops for a ‘regimental photo’ (their motto is ‘Don’t Panic! Don’t Panic!’) and were lucky to get away with few arrests after Captain Raffers was warning plod on Facebook that he had snipers coming to London so they’d better watch out! The general consensus is that he is potty and has turned into cousin Jimmy from Reggie Perrin but a nice new uniform with special arms that fasten round the back is waiting for him.
The Northern Infidels also had a little day out, or should that be wash out, yesterday in Durham when they met up with a handful of the Scottish Defence League, stood outside a pub for a bit and then received no publicity whatsoever! We only found out about it this morning and it didn’t look good. After a badly attended meeting the other week which ended in the usual drunkenness and police intervention, the Infidels then attacked the Newcastle Occupy site after spending all day in a testicle kicking competition over paltry differences. Although they split off from the EDL they are becoming ever more divided and John ‘Crack Pipe’ Shaw, llama farmer to the stars, is desperately trying to hold it together and to recreate the EDL’s finer moments but it is not happening. Many Infidels cried off from Durham yesterday because it was a bit chilly and their mums said they couldn’t go. And today, the National Front Bottoms are ironing their shell suits and whitening their trainers to attend the cenotaph. If they get as many turning out as their Newcastle
mobilisation, it’ll be a surprise. We’ll let you know!
PS: the EDL have since released a desperate statement dissociating themselves from Rafferty. Will the delectable Hayley Wells follow suit?