‘Buckets First!’ says Oor Wullie!


The whole of Auchenshoogle was rocked today by the news that Oor Wullie has joined racist party Britain First. The bucket loving lyrical gangster, always known for his controversial views, has said in the past that he admires BF’s ‘bucket-focussed’ policies: no free buckets for asylum seekers; an end to immigration due to over-stretched bucket resources; and to replace burqas with a special BF designed ‘face bucket’

bucket heed

When interviewed his Maw confirmed the news but said Wullie was unavailable for comments because ‘He’s away tae his bed with nae supper!’ (Translation: ‘He’s away tae his bed with nae supper!’). Close associate, Fat Bob, said: ‘Wullie has always backed big figures with staying power  – Charles Kennedy, Alex Salmond, The Proclaimers.’ Ex-fiance, Primrose Paterson (pictured) said ‘That wee shite? He ruined my life! Hanging aboot in the Two Ways Inn with that daft slag Doris Gow!’


Primrose ‘Pissy Pants’ Patterson

‘He’s up to nae guid I tell ye, and we’re carrying oot enquiries’ said head of Auchenshoogle CID, PC Murdoch. BF leader  Jayda Fransen (pictured) declined to comment.


In other hungover stories as unfunny as this, we interview local bookworm Horace Broon about his new book ’50 Shades Of Broon!’

Horace: ‘likes wanking’

About malatesta32

Malatesta aka M. Testa, undercover anti-fascist blogger, has analyzed the changing fortunes of the British far right for nearly a decade. He has given lectures on anti-fascism, published articles in Anarchist Studies and Freedom magazine and wrote Militant Anti-Fascism: 100 Years Of Resistance (AK Press 2015) which the Morning Star called a '‘Potent Primer On Europe’s Anti-Fascist Struggle … a useful source of information about the fight against fascism.’ http://www.akuk.com/index.php?_a=product&product_id=7285
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