10 Reasons Why It’s Shit Being Ian Crossland!

A bit late but anyway … 

The last few weeks have seen the hilarious spectacle of  EDL leader Ian ‘Stiffy’ Crossland exposed across the world’s media as a raddled old corpse of a joke.  Sources tell us that he has still not recovered from being humiliated at his Birmingham demo by Saffiyah Khan and he is refusing to leave the tent he occupies in the back garden of his ex-partner. For some reason he hasn’t quite seen the funny side of it all so here are 10 reasons why ‘Sticky’ Crossland is a fuck-bugling jizz-spigot on a massive global scale!

1/ He claimed that Saffiyah had ‘ignored’ the EDL’s minute silence for victims of terrorism but forgot to mention that no one else knew about it, including himself, as he was seen jabbering all through it…

2/ … and just because a few dozen EDL drunks suddenly decide to hold a minute’s silence, it doesn’t mean the whole country has to comply.

3/ He referred to Saffiyah as an ‘unwashed scrubber’ … err

4/ When a story goes viral across world media making you look like an utter-twunt-bucket, you cannot unwrite it however many poorly written and incoherent posts you make on Facebook.

5/ If you are going to protest against other people bullying women, try not to bully women in front of your own (poorly written) signs:

6/ … and try not to do this.

7/ Your speeches at demos are pish, really, really, cold, smelly, well fermented asparagus pish …

‘Quick! In the taxi everyone! He’s gonna do another speech!’ 

8/ The only reason the EDL haven’t sacked you is because they would lose 5% of their entire membership.

9/ Gail Speight, the EDL’s fallen Angel, has kicked you out of the house so you live in a tent in her back garden. She allows you in once a month for a shower, which you usually miss.

10/ Under your fuhrer-ship the EDL has made Pudding-Heid Golding’s Britain First weirdo evangelist cross wielding bacon mongers look professional. Which they clearly arent.

So all in all, while it has been a complete disaster for you, it has been a very, very amusing one for anti-fascists and the main question Crossland needs to ask is ‘when are the EDL going to pack it in?’ Hopefully soon but probably not. Give it up lad, it’s embarrassing for you!

Be Seeing You!