Wullie being taken into custody this morning
We regret to inform readers that in the wake of the shocking #MeToo disclosures Arts Editor and Social Commentator Mr. O. Wullie of Auchenshoogle has been ‘resigned’ from the ‘Malatesta’ Blog following a series of allegations made by Primrose Patterson and Doris Gow, both former acquaintances of Mr Wullie.
Primrose Patterson: Posh Fanny
Ms. Patterson alleges that ‘William repeatedly pulled my pigtails, was reckless with his catapult and was always scrumping apples fae the orchard.’ Doris Gow, whose tumultuous life with fiance Basher McKenzie was regularly featured in The Post, has made similar complaints.
Doris Gow’s tribute to Amy Winelodge
Former gangster Fat Boab claimed that years of Wullie making fun of his girth aggravated his negative body image which led to a Binge Eating Disorder (mainly fish suppers and mince & tatties). He is currently leading the #MeTae campaign in Auchenshoogle and is now known as just Boab.
Just Boab: Him Tae!
We tried to contact Wullie but he was unavailable for comment:
Wullie: Unavailable For Comment
In other news …
We are pleased to introduce readers to our new Politics Editor, Paw Broon, AKA ‘Paw Patrol,’ whose hit songs include ‘Say It Loud, I’m Broon & Proud!’ and ’50 Shades Of Broon!’ He will be leading our new and less perverted staff members.
Be Seeing You!
Say Goodnight Facist Pandejo!