Crivvens! Jings! And Help Ma Boab! Thank fuck that saggy tits little shit-spackle has fucked off to his holidays in Skegness Butlins for 2 weeks, now maybe the collective headache caused by his voluminous whining can subside, if only temporarily. And just imagine waking up to see that the next chalet is occupied by the Family Robinson. It’s enough to put you off your porridge (or porage).
Yap indeedy, since his release on bail ‘Sir’ Tommy-For-PM has been whining about his misfortunes in the majesties priz and released copies of the (many) complaints he made whilst in there. And boy, are they evidence of rampant ego-mania, arrogant stupidity and all round qwuuntishness, so let’s have a look at the utterly fuckerly shite he’s been coming out with.
‘Sir’ Tommy-For-PM claimed he had lost weight as he couldn’t trust the prison food so had to go to the canteen to buy cans of tuna, mayonnaise, wholewheat bread, unsalted butter, microwavable rice and lasagnas, kiwi fruit salad, chocolate, white wine spritzers, truffle oil, quails eggs and tiramisu. On his release from the priz, the Tombliboos supporters claimed that he looked ‘starved’ when, in fact, he’d simply shed a few pounds cos he wasn’t stuffing his face with lager and halal Nando’s every night (which is all paid for by the suckers, fuckers and bucket feeders who think this spiv, conman and career criminal is somehow trustworthy). Here’s the whinge list:
- He claimed that the prison was ‘punishing me with no television’ (which meant he couldn’t watch all the news stories about himself) which it wasn’t;
- He claimed to be ‘locked up 23 hours for my protection’ whilst also claiming that his door was deliberately left open by screws. So which 1 is it?
- He claimed that he was held in isolation but also that other prisoners were abusing him through his door. Surely prisoners are not allowed to stroll through secure wings abusing those held under secure conditions?
- He claimed that 1 of his prison cells was opposite a prison mosque and he was subject to flying poop parcels, which he wasn’t and there isn’t a mosque in the priz either;
- He claimed that ‘It’s not my fault I can’t work’ when it is. He was scared that some Muslim prisoners might want to chat with him about a few things if he was out and about the priz. And, as usual, he blames people he has deliberately offended for being offended as it’s all their fault.
- He demanded extra visits because he is very important – which he didn’t get – and also demanded ‘my own gym, extra spuds at tea-time, and tubs of Ben & Jerry’s delivered to my cell. I also need to nip out to Nando’s, pick up some jaz mags and get to an ATM to pay ‘Cheeky Peaches’ for services rendered.’
The prison stated that ‘Sir’ Thompson Fuckington-Fuckface “had access to visits, television and showers – and it is totally false to say he was held in ‘solitary confinement’.” Which is surely a slur on the shining character of a career criminal, woman beater, thug, football hooligan, convicted fraudster, and shite-eyed fuck-bucket.
Be Seeing You!
But not you for a while, hopefully. Twat.