This is Claire Khaw who, when not posing with firearms in front of Nazi symbols, is busy being kicked out of the BNP and the Conservative Party. We bumped into her online and asked her a few questions about chat shows, swastikas and contact lenses! (With thanks to Eric M).
M: You look great! Is that at your house?
CK: No, this was at David Jones’ (British People’s Party) place in Todmorden.
M: Is David good at politics? I might vote for him.
CK: He is running for election in May. He seems to enjoy running them anyway.
M: Running or ruining? Why don’t you start your own party?
CK: There is no point joining a party smaller and even more useless than the BNP. As for starting my own party, I am not so deluded as to think anyone would join my party. Richer and more famous people have started their own party and failed. Robert Kilroy Silk comes to mind with his Veritas.
M: I’ll join! Kilroy Silk is a chat-show used car salesman.
CK: I want to be a chat show hostess, actually.
M: I think you’d be great. The show could be called ‘Claire’s Kause’ and you could interview the prime minister as to why he has kicked you out of the Tory party.
CK: The PM is an imbecile, I am sad to say.
M: And you are the girl to tell him so.
CK: Do you think David Cameron has really heard of me?
M: Yes, I should think he has to remember everyone being prime minister. So, what do you think of my chat show idea ‘Claire’s Kause’?
CK: I prefer the Lord and Lady Mandelson Politics Show.
M: Why do you fancy Peter Mandleson.
CK: I admire him for what he did to the Labour Party.
M: So what about ‘Claire’s Kause’?
CK: The names you suggest would not work because they have too few syllables. You see, I have thought about it and VISUALISED it.
M: Golly, I don’t think I could visualise anything. How do I visualise my own chat show? And how about ‘Claire’s Khaws Of The Day’ instead?
CK: You make it sound like a daytime TV show, so NO!
M: No, it would be like Newsnight at 10pm so it could be a no holds barred type political debate.
CK: It is easy for me because I know how much I want it. Also, I think of myself as a bit of a Dame Edna. It would be me and my Lord and Master Peter and a butler, who would be played by Rory Bremner. Guests would come for tea and we would chat about events and gossip. It would be great.
M: I don’t think you’re being serious now. On Youtube there are people who make their own cookery programmes. I saw one on how to make pies!
CK: It would only happen if lots of people wanted it, and I amuse and entertain enough people for enough to make me think I would be OK with my own chat show.
M: I think you would be super. Maybe you could get people from smaller parties – like the BPP, BNP and the Lib-Dems to argue whilst you make tea and cakes?
CK: That photo was a bit high risk but to get the publicity was the main reason why I did it. IT DOESN’T MEAN I HATE JEWS. Anyway, Mandy is sort of Jewish.
M: So why the swastika?
CK: The swastika was in Dave’s home and he had a bunch of guns. The opportunity was too good to miss
M: Guns? Be careful Claire, you can have someone’s eye out with those.
CK: Well, no one was hurt during the taking of that photograph.
M: I should jolly well think so. Be careful.
M: Do you like my new glasses.
CK: Everyone has your glasses these days.
M: Everyone has my glasses? No wonder I cant find them! LOL. I tried contacts but the optician said my eyes were too ‘small and evil’ which was very rude indeed.
CK: Maybe you should wear contacts. They are a bit of a pain to get on and off.
M: What? Opticians. I know, it took me 25 minutes to get a lady optician off once!
Conversation Terminates (sadly).