New Far-Right Party: ‘All the tools are in place!’

The EDL’s Strictly Come Dancing Contestants!

The English Defence League (EDL) has been cringing with embarrassment since their disastrous ‘National Demo’ in London when only 50 turned up to be surrounded by plod for their own safety. Meanwhile, well over 1o,000 protested against Brexit and Austerity and supported Black Lives Matter. Accusations of far-right incompetence and the usual bitter vitriol has led to a ‘terrace coup’ in darkest Sheffield.

Edge demonstrates world speed masturbation technique!

Andrew Edge announced his new organisation United Patriotic Supporters (UPS) which ‘is looking pretty good and could be even gooder than the ‘proper’ EDL!’ He said that ‘all the tools are in place’ (they certainly are), that his ‘New venture will make a difference’ (by further fragmenting a shrinking far right) and that there will be ‘Big People’ involved (which we assume refers to John ‘I’ll meet you in Greggs’ Banks).

UPS has promised no police liaison and instead will be doing a series of flash dances in bleak northern towns that hardly anyone will see. Edge’s ‘shadow cabinet’ includes finance minister Liam ‘Pampers’ Jones of failed United Patriots (and nothing unites patriots like forming another splinter!) who The Edge calls Mr Pissypants in private. However, ‘Pampers’ is an experienced fund-raiser having raised cash for 2 PA systems, both of which are still ‘in the post from China.’ John Banks, who recently converted to Islam, will be Minister of Pies & Religious Affairs. Bankstain, along with Jenna Maroney, is a supporter of Tommy Robinson’s failed Pegida groupuscule that seems to have vanished of late. Billy Charlton, a pisspot fascist who gives incoherent speeches at demos, will take the Foreign Office portfolio.  The Edge says UPS will be more effective because they have no leader and even smaller numbers than either the ‘proper’ EDL, the scroats from Piss & Poo Squad, or the mainly incarcerated NW Imbeciles. 

The Edge will also be meeting ‘top barrister’ Rowley Birkin QC to ratify the mission statement which says: ‘No Forrins Aloud! No Gays Aloud unless they’re far away! and No Girls Aloud unless it’s that Cheryl with the nice tits!’ The Edge also says definitely no drinking until ‘after a demo when we can all get drunk.’ He has high hopes for his divisive splinter faction so maybe he can draw on his UPS network and find out when the 2 PA systems Pampers bought are due to arrive.


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EDL Finally Admit, It’s Over!

On Saturday in London, over 10,000 people were protesting about Brexit, austerity, and the Tory government mess, as well as expressing solidarity with the Black Lives Matter campaign in the USA. Elsewhere people have been mobilising in support of Jeremy Corbyn and protesting against the Parliamentary Labour Party’s devious machinations. These Blairite arse-jam-munching-fuck-beagles want to keep politics heading in an even further right direction and are desperate to remove Corbyn. Their latest move is to charge £25 for people to vote in the leadership challenge which, like the Tory policies Labour should be opposing, obviously hits those out of work or with little extra cash the most. I don’t know about you, but I don’t have a spare 25p let alone 25 quid!

Andrew Edge, ‘A New Fresh Leader!’ 

But anyway, to cheer you all up in what has been the most bizarre and fractious time in UK politics in our memory, here is a report on the disastrous EDL march in London by our old chums EDL News which shows that the far right walking dead have been completely unable to capitalise on Brexit and the immigration panic and can barely mobilise 50 people.                                                       And news just in …                                              Oh deary me, it looks like more misery for the EDL as nazi-clown Andrew Edge is about to stage a putsch with ‘Big People’ and ‘A New Fresh Approach’ which means, instead of a bunch of mouthy drunks who are fucken clueless, we can expect a slightly smaller bunch instead. Andrew Edge was involved in that shambles protest at Rotherham plod shop when they all got Argos Wendy Houses for kids and camped outside with hilarious results.

Andrew Edge looks set to launch English Defence League Leadership Coup


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Anti-Fascists ‘No Confidence’ In UK Racists!

Today, anti-fascists across the UK unanimously voted ‘No Confidence’ in the countries racists and are now demanding a better class of idiot to oppose.

This racist has simply ran out of abusive terms!

Since the dismal referendum vote, that was based on outright xenophobia rather than understanding that public services are deliberately underfunded and not overstretched by forrin barstards, racists have failed to keep up the initial momentum.


Instead, local shops have been firebombed late at night by racist cowards, lone women have had their burkhas pulled off by groups of men, and others have been accused of being Polish! As this is all they’ve come up with so far, anti-fascists reached a unanimous agreement and have made plans to import foreign racists and American cops from Dallas ‘to liven things up.’

Racist Mutha Fuckas! 

Earl Necklace, of the DPD said ‘Hey, I ain’t racist buddy! I’ll kill any Mutha-Fucka that moves!’ before pouring a clip into a local (white) OAP. Racists from as far away as the Isle Of Man are already on the ferry unable to see the irony of unwelcome migrants heading to the mainland using shit transport.

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T-EXIT! Toytown Votes OUT of EU!

The EU was left reeling again today after Toytown voted to leave the single market, drop the Euro, and go back to acorns as currency. Local taxi-driver, Noddy Robinson of the PDL (Puppets Defence League) said: ‘It’s them fackin’ goblins innit! Theivin’ little bastards! You can’t leave anything out at night.’

Robinson: Local C*** 

Local goblins, Sly and Gobbo said ‘It’s unfair. We work hard! Anything goes missing, and we’re to blame. It’s just not on! By the way, do you wanna buy a nice red and yellow taxi, 1 careless owner?’

Goblins ‘at work!’

Like BREXITERS, the T-EXITERS are total fuck-bugling hotplates full of boiling asparagus piss who believe that ‘imaginary-grants’ are to blame for benefit cuts, NHS under-funding, and a chronic lack of public services. And because they are thick as sticky shit in a toilet bowl full of toffee, they don’t understand the results of vicious austerity policies imposed by the Tories in 2012 that are the worst attacks on the working class since Thatcher – who incidentally is secretly controlling Michael ‘Shagless’ Gove and his horrible wife from beyond the grave according to a very reliable source (i.e., the voices in my head). In a statement today Gove said ‘Although everyone thinks I look permanently surprised, I am not! And I am not surprised that I fucked Blowjob Johnson off in the least. And contrary to popular belief, my wife does not carry my testicles in her handbag, they are here in my fluffy little trouser pouch, would you like to see them children?’


GOVE: No Surprise that he’s a Total Shitbiscuit!

Boris Johnson later said ‘Ooh, lorks-a-mighty, deary me, and crikey-oh-trousers, it’s a positive pyramid of peroxide piffle, now do you mind awfully, it’s time for a hand shandy!’


Boris: Wanker

Be Seeing You! 


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Mr Fackin Pitti-Full!


Paulo Prodromou attacks unarmed woman with a stick, but hits idiot son, Jizmo, in face instead, thus saving us the bother!

Paulo Prodromou is what Alf Garnett would have been if he was an even bigger fuckspangle. Not many on the far right like Paully Pops because they’ve been arrested, charged and gone to prison for going on one of his cop-managed demos (although oddly, he hasn’t been nicked!) Anti-fascists call him ‘A&E’ after a rather muscular discussion in Southend went badly for him. Life’s A Ditch eh, Paully Poos? He has taken time out from his ice cream van round to make a video which we have transcribed below so you don’t have to listen to it and end up with your head in the toilet.

ice cream

paul pitt

Paul Pitt: ‘He does it to fellers!’

– Ere (sniff), is this fackin on? The fackin facker. Oh, I gotta fackin switch it on. Right, you fackin fackers… Ere, fack me! Do I fackin look like that? Fackin fack! Anyways, I’m not having a fackin go at anyone but you fackin fackers are all fackin kantz! When I was in the fackin Kray Twins, I was the 3rd twin, and we all fackin looked arfter each other, fackin right? (Fackin right, you fackin fackers!) (Sniff). I’m not havin’ a go but all of you are fackin liars an’ shit kantz! I’m not a Wallaby gangster, I’m the meal deal! I don’t talk bollox! When I’m out on me fackin ice-cream round, I tell it like it is! They say

– Can I have a 99?

And I say It ain’t a fackin 99, its a fackin 1933 when our lord Jesus Hitler won Vietnam in Bosnia, you fackin fackers! Don’t ask me for a fackin race mixin’ choc-ice either it’s Mini-Milks or DEATH you tiny fackin kantz! Then this cheeky fackin tiny probably homosexual 3 year old says ‘I love juice’ and I says ‘Jews? Don’t fackin talk to me abaht fackin Jews you fackin little kant … oh wait, JOOSE. sorry, we sell propa joose – Irn Bru, Tizer, Vimto… What can I do you for?  And no, we don’t sell none of them fackin Mediterranean abominationals neither! Cornettos and Viennetta? Fack me, we’ll be joining the common market next. Fackin Fackaz!’ Fack the fackin lotta ya, ya fackin kantz…’

… and on and on until his head explodes with all that untapped sexual charisma and racist bitterness.

melon head


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Far Right Women Haters!

The far right is full of pedophiles, rapists, and child porn aficionados, but prominent figures like Shane Calvert (NWInformer), Tommy Robinson (ex-EDL), Shaun ‘Fatmess’ Jones (NWImbecile), and Joe Turner/Fatty Marsh (Dash & Fash no shows), have all been convicted of violence against women. Far right groups are viciously misogynistic and make regular online threats to vulnerable women and women living with kids, so we will be naming and shaming these fuck-bugling future jail-dwellers for what they are: sociopathic inadequates who hate women, especially ones they feel inferior to, i.e., all women.

This blog has had over 122,000 hits in the last couple of years and our reach is considerable. Not only that, but the information is copied and pasted in other blogs. Congratulation boys, you’ve been exposed!

See the blog below for list #1 courtesy of these sick ‘Patriots.’

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‘Buckets First!’ says Oor Wullie!


The whole of Auchenshoogle was rocked today by the news that Oor Wullie has joined racist party Britain First. The bucket loving lyrical gangster, always known for his controversial views, has said in the past that he admires BF’s ‘bucket-focussed’ policies: no free buckets for asylum seekers; an end to immigration due to over-stretched bucket resources; and to replace burqas with a special BF designed ‘face bucket’

bucket heed

When interviewed his Maw confirmed the news but said Wullie was unavailable for comments because ‘He’s away tae his bed with nae supper!’ (Translation: ‘He’s away tae his bed with nae supper!’). Close associate, Fat Bob, said: ‘Wullie has always backed big figures with staying power  – Charles Kennedy, Alex Salmond, The Proclaimers.’ Ex-fiance, Primrose Paterson (pictured) said ‘That wee shite? He ruined my life! Hanging aboot in the Two Ways Inn with that daft slag Doris Gow!’


Primrose ‘Pissy Pants’ Patterson

‘He’s up to nae guid I tell ye, and we’re carrying oot enquiries’ said head of Auchenshoogle CID, PC Murdoch. BF leader  Jayda Fransen (pictured) declined to comment.


In other hungover stories as unfunny as this, we interview local bookworm Horace Broon about his new book ’50 Shades Of Broon!’

Horace: ‘likes wanking’

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