President Zuma In The Doghouse!

In Other Other News, South African President Zuma’s current position is Rocky and he was seen to flounder as his reputation was reduced to Rubble. Despite a previous Sky high rep he had to Yelp For Help to Marshall support which proved to be a wild pup Chase. Will he Everest? (Ever rest!)

(Ed: stop this unfunny Pup Patrol shit, move on, now!).

Finally, UKIP’s leadership crisis continues after Feargal Sharkey decided to enter the fray:

‘Jimmy! Jimmy! Oh!’

 

Be Seeing You! 

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Blog Reboot

Alright, I know whit yer thinkin’: ‘Crivvens! Jings! And Help Ma Boab! Is his shitey wee blog still goin’ on? Is he no’ dead yet? Why don’t they sort it oot!’ Well, we are. Soon. At some point. Honest. No really …

First of all we apologise to everyone who visited us recently when there have been no new posts but this was because of other writing commitments which are now done. We have had hits from exotic places like Brunei, Bangladesh and Arbroath so many thanks for the continued support and, as Marvin Gaye once said, ‘Let’s Get It On’ – although he also said ‘What’s Going On’ which is probably more our speed right now…

Malatesta Art Editor hard at work doing drawings. 

… so we’re rebooting the blog and will be posting new articles over the next coupla weeks which will no doubt consist of the usual daft Scottishisms, poor quality jokes and inadequately researched articles.

Be Seeing You!

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Middle East Ceasefire! 

 

Fighting in the Middle East was stopped yesterday after everyone realised the dishes hadn’t been done and no one had made the beds! This was similar to when the IRA packed in killing folk because the washing hadn’t half piled up, especially after the dirty protest, and no one was around to do the ironing (due to murder, prison etc.).

In Israel, the wife of Prime Minister President Netanyahu, Mrs Prime Minister President Netanyahu texted him demanding that he come home and ‘wash oot the big bin cos it’s a wee bit smelly [frowny face].’ Prime Minister President Netanyahu was later seen cleaning out the hamster cages and putting dog dirt in a bin bag. When we rang him he said ‘I can’t talk now. I’m doing the poos and it’s gone on my hand!’

Netanyahu: ‘Pooey hand’ 

In other other news … several Palestinians from Palestinia suffered light bruising after rushing through one of the security gates to get back home when they realised someone had left a pan on. Prime Minister President Netanyahu later said ‘See! This is why I cut off their supplies of food and gas. They’re just reckless with milky drinks.’

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Racist Racists Not Really Racist!

Or How To Deny Your Politics In Court Whilst Hoping For A Lesser Sentence (& Not Getting It)

Crivvens! Jings! And Help Ma Boab! Anti-fascist bloggers and commentators have regularly documented the pedophiles, rapists and domestic abusers among the far right but we often overlook the moral cowardice of these arse-breathing Lego legions whose political convictions collapse once they are stood quaking and sober in the dock:

– Whaat? Me Guv’nor? No way never am I no fackin’ racist! Me drinks were hacked by Facebook spiking me account etc…’

So, let us have a quick squint at some racist racists completely denying that their racist racism was really racist and hoping for a lesser sentence (and not getting it).

A Poxon Both Your Trousers!

Although clueless drunken fuckbucket Terence Poxon admitted to being a racist when arrested, for some reason, when it got to court, he suddenly became ‘remorseful and feels guilty and embarrassed at what he did.’ Alas, t’was not enough: 25 weeks of halal turkey twizzlers on the nonce wing for you, Poxy!

Andrew Jenkinson is another classic shitter who couldn’t justify his politics once in court: ‘he denied being a racist, saying a Chinese friend of his had committed suicide because of racist abuse.’

Silly teenager Giulio Vines hates foreigners with funny names so threw bacon at a mosque in a fit of pique, but when arrested he pooed it and said ‘he didn’t fully appreciate the hurt and upset of the people whose cars he threw the bacon at.’ Which we all believed. Giulio, the hater of forrin types, obviously didn’t know that the year before pathological shite-vendor Mark Bennett, who had ‘many, many Muslim friends’ and did a lot of work for charity, was done for the same thing. Bennett was up in court with fellow bacon draper and gay porn activist, Bunny ‘Swinger’ Crehan, who died in prison, although the cause has yet to be disclosed.

Bunny: He’s run his course.

Paul Thornhill is yet another incontinent in grubby sportswear whose patriotic vitriol evaporated once his fat fucken cowardly arse was over the flames of British Justice! In court over 2 similar incidents of racist abuse Thornhill ‘denied being racist’ but got banged up anyway. Shame.

Richard Sykes was done for racist abuse which was amazingly ‘not racially motivated’ whilst shagged out arse-spangle Shaun Grimly-Fiendish ‘changed his views’ just before the court case because he was an actual forrin type! Professional trouser clown Geoffrey ‘Martha’ Farqhar incredibly managed to send racist and homophobic threats but somehow ‘does not hold homophobic or racist views.’ What a truly unique individual. And finally, Mark Trippett is an extremely confused gentleman who has an EDL tattoo on his neck and wears an Infidels t-shirt yet when he ends up in court he ‘insists he doesn’t share their views.’

Trippet: Prison Chic & Secret Wanking!

The ability of racists to suddenly stop being racist once in proximity of the court room, even when pleading guilty to charges of racist behaviour, is truly a modern miracle and something we should all respect, even if we are too fucken stupid to understand irony.

Be Seeing You!

With many thanks to EDL Criminals, the sexy wee beasties!

Recent Addition: 

And here is another forinn criminal coming over here taking our jobs! Polish forriner Jakub Wendland set his dog on 2 Muslims in Manchester and yet amazingly, ‘does not consider himself a racist!’ The judge disagreed and sent him to prison for 2 1/2 years. I wonder if the far right will be campaigning for this forrin criminal’s repatriation when he comes out? Somehow, I doubt it.

 

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10 Reasons Why It’s Shit Being Ian Crossland!

A bit late but anyway … 

The last few weeks have seen the hilarious spectacle of  EDL leader Ian ‘Stiffy’ Crossland exposed across the world’s media as a raddled old corpse of a joke.  Sources tell us that he has still not recovered from being humiliated at his Birmingham demo by Saffiyah Khan and he is refusing to leave the tent he occupies in the back garden of his ex-partner. For some reason he hasn’t quite seen the funny side of it all so here are 10 reasons why ‘Sticky’ Crossland is a fuck-bugling jizz-spigot on a massive global scale!

1/ He claimed that Saffiyah had ‘ignored’ the EDL’s minute silence for victims of terrorism but forgot to mention that no one else knew about it, including himself, as he was seen jabbering all through it…

2/ … and just because a few dozen EDL drunks suddenly decide to hold a minute’s silence, it doesn’t mean the whole country has to comply.

3/ He referred to Saffiyah as an ‘unwashed scrubber’ … err

4/ When a story goes viral across world media making you look like an utter-twunt-bucket, you cannot unwrite it however many poorly written and incoherent posts you make on Facebook.

5/ If you are going to protest against other people bullying women, try not to bully women in front of your own (poorly written) signs:

6/ … and try not to do this.

7/ Your speeches at demos are pish, really, really, cold, smelly, well fermented asparagus pish …

‘Quick! In the taxi everyone! He’s gonna do another speech!’ 

8/ The only reason the EDL haven’t sacked you is because they would lose 5% of their entire membership.

9/ Gail Speight, the EDL’s fallen Angel, has kicked you out of the house so you live in a tent in her back garden. She allows you in once a month for a shower, which you usually miss.

10/ Under your fuhrer-ship the EDL has made Pudding-Heid Golding’s Britain First weirdo evangelist cross wielding bacon mongers look professional. Which they clearly arent.

So all in all, while it has been a complete disaster for you, it has been a very, very amusing one for anti-fascists and the main question Crossland needs to ask is ‘when are the EDL going to pack it in?’ Hopefully soon but probably not. Give it up lad, it’s embarrassing for you!

Be Seeing You!

 

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Anti-Fascist Hero!

Note female cop co-ordinating her outfit with Saffiyah’s Specials t-shirt!

Crivvens! Jings! And Help Ma Boab! Ian Crossland is the leader of the few dozen remaining EDL and he has certainly led them – from out of the sewer and straight into the dungheap. He was humiliated by a strong female muslim anti-fascist (which are probably all his worst fears combined) and made him look foolish and errr … small, all in front of his remaining sycophants. And the rest of the world because the images went viral and made him look fucken stupid with one particular shot catching him being restrained from hitting her: 

In a casual acceptance of misogynist violence he also claims she was ‘lucky’ she still had her teeth which sounds like bullying women to me – and just the thing the EDL were protesting against on Saturday.

Crossland described Saffiyah as ‘dirty’ and ‘unwashed’ which is enormously ironic given his inability to shave properly and the fact he has a strong whiff of the prison yard about him.

Gail & Ian putting the ‘Fun’ into Erectile Dysfunction!

This is him with his ex-partner Gail Speight who was kicked out of the EDL for allegedly stealing money. She in turn has now kicked Crossland out which is why he is living in a tent in her back garden.

We managed to get a quick interview with Crossland before he sobered up and realised what a globally twunt-tastic bag of boak he was!

Mal: So, how are you doing?

IC: Well, it’s been raining, me tent is leaking, and the sleeping bag stinks of old feet, arse and failure!

Mal: Does Gail not let you in the house?

IC: Yeah, she lets me in for me monthly shower but I usually skip it.

Mal: And those photos?

IC: Yeah, she’s really fit for a 13 year … Eh? What photos? …

Mal: … Hello? …

Editor: Stop this now, its daft. Go to bed.

Anyway … we must keep perspective here and even though the images went viral, the EDL threat, politically, on the streets, or in the media, is very small as they struggle to bring even 100 to a demo and they are loathed by other far right groups. As for Saffiyah, she can be proud to join a long line of iconic female anti-fascist activists like these. Well done!

in Spain … 

in France …

and in Luton!

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Anti-Fascist Hero Of The Year!

Crivvens! Jings! And Help Ma Boab!

Anti-fascist becomes media star! 

Note female cop co-ordinating her outfit with Saffiyah’s Specials t-shirt!

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